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Despite the Less than Average Scores He Had, He Exceeded Expectations

by sarah July 18, 2019
written by sarah July 18, 2019
Despite the Less than Average Scores He Had, He Exceeded Expectations

He struggled with recognizing his letters, with understanding syllables, with connecting letters to their sounds.

He had other skills instead.

Despite the less than average scores he had, he exceeded expectations in other ways.

He knew the names of every kid in class, the teacher next door, the secretary, even the janitor. He greeted those people, every day, with a smile on his face. He worried about them when they weren’t in school. He asked them if they needed help when he saw them struggle. He made sure they were ok when they seemed like something was bothering them.

He got an A in kindness.

He had issues paying attention during storytime, in comprehending, in identifying character and setting.

He had other skills instead.

Despite the less than average scores he had, he exceeded expectations in other ways.

He blurted out questions and showed up to that story circle with excitement and enthusiasm to learn. He cared about the characters in the book. He wondered why their friends were mean or why they got hurt or who would help them when they had fallen down. He empathized with the pokey puppy, he believed in the little engine that could, he held on to hope for the brave little penguin.

He got an A in compassion.

He couldn’t point out the upper case “B” or the lower case “c,” couldn’t distinguish a number from a letter, and identifying his numbers at all was out of the question.

He had other skills instead.

Despite the less than average scores he had, he exceeded expectations in other ways.

He jumped up to help the teacher when she dropped her paper. He held the door for the people behind him. He said please and thank you. He stopped to help his friends tie their shoe even though he didn’t know how to tie a shoe himself. He hugged his neighbor when he saw her cry.

He got an A in respect.

When school was coming to an end and the report cards were distributed, his parents knew what to expect. Their son wouldn’t be at the top of his class. He would need further development in language arts. He would need extra help in motor development and speech. He would need more time to understand math.

His final report card wouldn’t be filled with A’s. His school-record wouldn’t tell the story of a stellar student if judged him by his grades.

But boy was he stellar.

He had other skills instead.

Despite the less than average scores he had, he exceeded expectations in other ways.

His brain often kept him from achieving the things that other kids his age could accomplish.  That’s because his brain was anything but standard.

But so was his heart.

His heart was extraordinary. His heart carried him to a different level of success.

As his mom opened his report card, he watched.

“What does it say,” he asked with anticipation.

The grades were what his parents had expected to see on a standard report card. Less than average here, approaching average there, just average everywhere else. But it was in the comments that they saw the true evaluation of how their son did in school that year.

The comments read:

He was a joy to have in the classroom.

He always comes to school wearing a smile and has a sensitive side for his friends.

He is eager to try.

He NEVER gives up.

He has taught his class about being respectful and caring.

He has been a great asset to the pre-k classroom. 

With tears in her eyes, his mom smiled at her anything but average, beautiful son.

“It says you did a great job in school this year! It says you tried your best, you were kind, and you were good to your friends. It says you kept going even when things got hard. It says you got up even though you had fallen down. It tells me that you are brave, you are strong, and you are smart. It says you’re a good boy. It says everything I already knew! But I’m still so proud of you. It says you had a successful school year,” his mom said.

Why do we judge our kids by their grades? Why do you put them into categories?

For some reason, we forget what’s important as we send off children to school. We set expectations that are far too high. They enter a system that forgets that we’re not all the same. We judge them by a standard set of goals or skills or talents that teaches them that they’re not good enough if they don’t stack up.

We teach them it’s not good to be different. We show them that giving their best isn’t good enough if others are simply better at things than they are.

Sometimes, we set them up to fail.

As they’re getting used to life away from their parents, surrounded by new people, thrown into a new environment, and juggling all the other new things they face throughout the year, we make things hard.

We make things SO hard.

Instead of giving them a place to learn, to grow, to discover who they are, we stick them in a place that forces them to feel stressed, anxious, inadequate. Then we pressure them.

We pressure them to be better, to be more, to be everything but what they are. We push them in places that even pushing won’t help. We fail them because we fail to see that they have their own unique talents…talents that don’t get a grade…talents that aren’t judged on a report card.

We focus on the grade, on what’s on the paper. We don’t focus on the kid, on what’s inside, on who they are.

I fell into that trap as he entered his second year of pre-school. I worried about the below-average grades and longed for him to learn and grow enough to at least get the average ones.

But those worries weren’t for me.

Despite coming from a background of educators where I was fully expected to make good grades, I didn’t care what his were.

I worried for his sake…for his future.

I worried for the day that he would come home and wonder why his grades didn’t reflect the effort he puts forth. I worried that he would look at his grades and think he wasn’t smart, he wasn’t talented, he didn’t succeed, he wasn’t enough.

But then I stopped. I stopped worrying about the grades because I knew I would teach him to worry about the grades too.

I focused on the comments. It was the comments that gave me the true picture of his success throughout the year.

Maybe he couldn’t point out every letter in the alphabet, maybe he couldn’t tell you where a story took place, maybe he couldn’t show you the number 5 or the number 9. But he could do other things that other kids couldn’t.

He could greet you with a smile to start your day. He could make the new kid feel welcome. He could love you even when it seemed others didn’t.

He could help you when your hands were too full. He could lighten your load when things got tough. He could pick you up when you were feeling down.

He could overcome the biggest struggles. He could stand strong as he faced adversity. He could be brave when he had every reason to be scared.

He could show you how to be respectful and caring and kind.

He could cheer you on despite knowing you wanted to see him fail. He could be your friend even if he just met you. He could still be kind to you when you were nothing but mean to him.

Most importantly, he could teach you.

He could teach you the skills that you can’t find in a book or on a test or in a standard lesson plan.

He could teach you about life. He could teach you a lot about life.

And he could do it so effortlessly as he simply leads by example.

He can show you so much as he lives every day without regret, proud to show up for life exactly as God made him to be.

I don’t expect my son to be valedictorian of his senior class when he graduates high school. Nor do I expect to be mailing off school transcripts with high honors when he applies for college. If those things happen, you will find me in the front row cheering my heart out with an ugly crying face.

But if they don’t, I’ll still be proud.

You’ll still find me in the front row cheering my heart out with an ugly crying face cheering for my son through every milestone of his life.

I don’t expect my son to get perfect grades. But I do expect some things.

I expect him to embrace himself for who he is. I expect him to be proud of the things he can accomplish, no matter how small or big. I expect him to understand that there’s no other him in this world. I hope he’ll never want to be anyone but himself.

Despite the fact that I don’t put expectations on his grades, I do expect him to succeed.

I expect him to succeed as he grows and uses all the amazing, above average skills he has already displayed in the school setting to make his way in this world.

Mostly, I expect him to love himself.

I expect him to worry less about the standardized grades and more about the more than standard ways he shows up every day for life.

I expect him to celebrate all the great things he accomplishes when he goes to school, like the times he helps someone who is sad or stands by his friend as they get bullied or sits with the kid who sits by himself.

I expect him to know that not only is what he does in the classroom enough, but it’s also far exceeded anything I could ever expect of him as a student and as my son.

I expect him to know that as long as he tries his best, I will be proud.

I expect him to know that even when he fails or makes a mistake, he is loved.

That small manila envelope that came home on the last day of school this year carried an important lesson.

It carried a BIG lesson.

It reminded me to celebrate his differences, to honor what makes him unique, and to cherish every failure as much as I cherish every success.

At the end of the day, it’s not how many times you fall that matters, it’s how many times you get up.

At the end of the day, it’s not what you have, but what you give.

At the end of the day, it’s not what you said, but it’s how you made people feel.

At the end of the school year, it’s not the grades he took away, but the mark he left that makes a difference.

It’s the mark he’s left and the difference he’s made that truly reports to me the level of success he’s had in school this year.

When I read the comments and stopped focusing on the grade, I saw that my son had a very successful year in school.

Clearly, the mark he left and the difference he made was the highest honor he could have achieved.

Congratulations to my talented, smart son!

Keep up the good work!

22 comments
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sarah

Hey, you! I’m Sarah. Fierce mama, wife, and friend. Raising a gentleman. Passionate writer. Beach bum. Philanthropist. Awareness advocate. Lover of coffee and humor. What’s your story?

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22 comments

Christina July 19, 2019 - 9:06 pm

A beautiful story about a boy. This was wonderfully written. I enjoyed reading it.

Reply
Mama Writes Reviews July 19, 2019 - 11:47 pm

I love this. Those character traits are just as important as the other stuff. Good job, dude .

Reply
Jaana McEntee July 20, 2019 - 8:37 am

Yes why we have to judge , measure & place our kids into boxes? I wish they could grow & blossom free, the way it suits them, so they could shine their individuality & beauty into the world..

Reply
Charissa July 20, 2019 - 4:38 pm

This is such an important perspective to have — both now and as he grows. Test scores and academic achievements are not the be all and end all. Great job!

Reply
Jasmine M. July 20, 2019 - 5:09 pm

You must be very proud. Having a heart of gold is so important.

Reply
Kristin Baxter July 20, 2019 - 6:26 pm

He sounds like my kind of kid and you sound like my kind of momma!! I homeschool my kids so I don’t know how it is these days at public school but I want more for my children than just academics. While that’s important, so are life skills, morals, and character training. I care more about raising GOOD people than raising smart ones.

Reply
Diana July 20, 2019 - 6:49 pm

I love the lesson in here – not how many times you fall but how many times you get up !!!

Reply
sabrina must July 20, 2019 - 11:50 pm

Being a good person will get you very far in life! Congrats to him (:

Reply
Martin July 21, 2019 - 12:56 am

Love the quote used. “It’s not how many times you fall that matters, it’s how many times you get up” This is so true in all our life’s

Reply
Marjie Mare July 21, 2019 - 3:20 am

This post warms my heart and it’s exactly what I needed to read. He is adorable with amazing great qualities.

Reply
Suzanne July 21, 2019 - 5:07 pm

Love this! Grades are important, but they’re not the end all be all. You can teach someone to get better grades but you can’t teach kindness and compassion.

Reply
Crystal // Dreams, etc. July 21, 2019 - 10:35 pm

I love this! Being kind and compassionate and respectful are so so so important and we don’t focus on that enough.

Reply
Evan Petzer July 22, 2019 - 6:09 am

You know most of us grew up doing our own thing, you saw your parents twice a day, once in the morning and once at dinner, the rest of the time we were playing with our imaginations. We shouldnt deprive our kids of the same discovery methods.

Reply
Jenn ~ onehoppymomma July 22, 2019 - 7:00 am

I really love that you are highlighting how important social skills are to a child’s overall well being

Reply
Neil Alvin July 22, 2019 - 9:27 am

I love your article. It reminds me of my relationship with my daughter.

Reply
Binge on Basics July 22, 2019 - 5:17 pm

I am so glad to know that he is kind and compassionate. Grades are important but learning moral values is what makes you a better human

Reply
Qarrey July 22, 2019 - 9:45 pm

How I wish every parent and all who degrades average scorers can read this.Quite an inspirational piece.

Reply
Bindu Thomas July 23, 2019 - 12:37 pm

True. Every human being is different, so why judge them on universal grades. Do grades matter even? The most successful people around aren’t the toppers in their class.

Reply
LaTese July 23, 2019 - 12:59 pm

This is such a beautiful article. I am so proud of his accomplishments.

Reply
Hackytips July 25, 2019 - 8:07 pm

That’s really a positive attitude towards kids. HE is lucky to have you.

Reply
blair villanueva July 26, 2019 - 6:24 am

Beautiful story and smart kid. Not all kids excels in academics, many kids also excels in behavior skills.

Reply
Hatch sandwich Bar July 28, 2019 - 10:32 am

It’s really a cool and helpful piece of info. I am happy
that you shared this useful info with us. Please stay
us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

Reply

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Sarah Mouio

Hey, you! I’m Sarah. Fierce mama, wife, and friend. Raising a gentleman. Passionate writer. Beach bum. Philanthropist. Awareness advocate. Lover of coffee and humor. What’s your story?

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